Cows and Constipation

For once, my day started out more or less normal and uneventful, however a couple hours after I got to work, one of my coworkers pulled me in the direction of the health center's cows and told me to come and look.  I wasn't quite sure why he wanted me to go and look at the cows that I had seen so many times before, but I obliged and walked with him anyway.  This was one of my coworkers who speaks pretty good English so along the way, I asked him why we were going over there and he told me, "One of the cows is sick." I asked what was wrong with the cow and he pointed to his stomach and said, "Something is wrong with her stomach.  She can't go..." and then he made a number-two type face and made a sweeping motion behind him with his hand.  I said, "Ooooh she's constipated..." (which btw I had no idea could happen to a cow).  As we got closer to the stable, I noticed the poor cow was flopped over on the ground looking so pained and pitiful (I guess she really was sick).  Seeing how my expertise is not in the arena of cow health, I couldn't for the half of me figure out why he took me over there and after witnessing what came next, I certainly wished he hadn't. 

There were two other men over by the cows: the Cow Boy (that's actually his title, he takes care of the cows) and another man (man #2) who I had never seen before.  I was looking at the cow feeling sorry for it, and when I tore my eyes away from it to look in the direction of man #2, I noticed he was putting on a long blue glove that covered the entire length of his arm.  I wasn't quite sure what it was for, but when I looked over at that poor cow again laying in its own day old mess, I kind of got an idea.  The man began to put a clear gel on the glove and slid it from his finger tips, all the way up to his armpit where the glove stopped.  Next, the man walked over to where the cow was lying down, told the Cow Boy to lift the cow's tail, and then he
shoved his arm right in!  Ohemgee it was so gross and I swear I saw the cow wince a little bit from the strange feeling of something forcing its way into its derriere!  And it doesn't stop here.   When man #2 pulled his hand out, he opened up his fist to reveal a hand full of you-know-what (I don't curse, but s***!)  This man continued to shove his fist into this cow, going deeper and deeper each time and pulling out more and more poo, squishing it around in his hand like it was Playdough so that we could all try to find whatever it was that was keeping the cow from being able get rid of its bodily waste the normal way.  I just stood there staring in disgust with my mouth clenched tightly shut (my jaw would have been dropped, but the smell was so horrendous that even with my mouth shut, I swear I could taste it)!  When the man was finally finished digging for the gold he never found, he stood there with cow poo up to his elbow (that's how far he went in), staring in amazement at the fact that after all that digging, he still didn't find what he was looking for (whatever that was).

All of the disgusting grossness doesn't stop there.  Just when I had had enough, the Cow Boy (who takes very good care of his beloved cows) walked over to the front of the cow who I guess had a runny nose?? (Again, this is something I didn't know was possible from a cow).  Now I've seen mothers do this to their babies plenty of times, but never in a million years would I expect to see a grown man pick a grown cow's nose.  The Cow Boy took his BARE finger, stuck it INSIDE of the cows running nose, and scooped out this extremely thick and gooey, lime-green snot.  AND THEN he reached over and did the very same thing to the other nostril!  Now I'm not one to have a weak stomach, but this was definitely too much for me.  When I finally walked away from all of this, my stomach was feeling anything but settled.

Love and Peace Corps,

Dametreea