Africa Changes You

I have TONS of movies saved on my laptop, and every week I scroll through the list to see what the movie of the week (or day) will be.  I've passed by the movie Out of Africa on many occasions, never giving it so much of a second thought, but for some reason, this time I stopped when I read the title, hovered my mouse over the icon, and double-clicked.  I had never seen this movie nor did I have any idea what it was about, but once the movie ended, I couldn't have been more pleased at my choice.  It's a fantastic movie and more or less captures the gist of what Africa is really like.  Notice how I said "more or less,"  there are some inaccuracies, seeing how the movie was set in the early 1900's, however I think a vast amount of what was shown is exceptionally reflective of what I've experienced in my short time here.  And that is this: Africa changes you.

For those of you who have never seen the movie (or heard of it for that matter), it's about a woman who lives in Africa for several years, running a coffee farm with her estranged husband.  When she first traveled to Kenya, she was afraid, as she didn't quite know what to expect.  She was mistrusting of the people and when they came too close, she would tell them "Shew! Shew!" while swatting her hands as if they were more flies and dogs than they were people.  By the end of the movie, though, this same woman had grown compassionate for the people of Kenya.  Her best friends became the people who worked on the coffee farm and her favorite companions became those who initially helped her adjust to life abroad.  Her new friends looked out for her, as the people of Africa tend to do, and she in return, looked out for them.  By the end of the movie, the coffee farm had been destroyed and the inhabitants of the land, including the woman, would have to move elsewhere; she to her original home in Denmark, and the Kenyans to--well, nowhere.  At this point, the baroness, as they called her, made a great fuss and made sure the Kenyans who lived on the land and depended on its yearly harvest would still have a place there once the land was replenished.  This last part of the movie really moved me.  The baroness went from shewing these people away to fighting for their land and their rights at her own expense.  In her mind, they shifted from savage, untamable animals to a kind-hearted and genuine people.  And this is what triggered my thoughts that Africa changes you--really, it does.

When I think back on the reasons I came to Rwanda, they are vaguely similar to my reasons for staying.  I came to
save the world and forever change the lives of the people in a community where I would live for two years; and while I would still love to do these two things, I have found that they are hardly feasible.  For one, after doing "development" work, I'm no longer certain I believe in development work.  Yes the idea behind it is great, people from developed countries travel to less developed countries to offer their expertise and "help" to host countries in building up their economy, infrastructure, and various aspects of health; however, I feel like Americans, as we tend to do, become self-righteous in our desire to help and exceed the boundaries for which the country initially obliged our entrance into their land.  We get so focused on creating a mini-America, consciously or subconsciously, and end up doing more harm than good.  For two, I feel like Americans have the tendency to poison the cultural values and belief systems that were once so strongly represented in developing countries.  We tend to push our Western ideas of life, love, and liberty on the countries served, causing turmoil between three groups of people: those who embrace Western ideas and would give anything in the world to have been born in the West, those who embrace their own culture and despise Western culture, and those who are genuinely torn--they love the idea of the Western world, but their heart is with their own land--they are unsure of which side to lean on.

At this point, you're probably wondering where all of this is coming from.   Over the past year or so, I've noticed a culture among the volunteers (myself included) that probably wouldn't be so pleasing to all of the tax payers who fund our being here.  Initially, we come here hopeful and optimistic about making a difference and promoting world peace, however once here (especially after the grueling training period), I think we lose sight of why we came.  Once we get to our villages and actually start the work we initially set out to do, we act as if we were drafted or forced to come here, rather than coming at our heart's own desire.  We decide that we'll stay in our houses all day, every day, refusing to "throw ourselves out there" as Peace Corps encouraged us to do in training; we want nothing to do with host country nationals; no visitors in our homes; we refuse to embrace the culture because we believe our own American culture is the best and only way to live a civilized life.  In essence, I guess you can say that while our dream of coming here came true, we try our hardest to live in Africa, but as far away from "Africa" as possible--either that or we create our own little America in the city and in the homes of other volunteers for days (sometimes weeks) at a time.  It's really very sad, actually.  However what's more sad is when you can't see that your entire experience has been nothing more (or less) than what is stated above.

I feel blessed that I am able to see the difference between simply working here and living here.  I must admit, I was an American clinger at one point during this roller coaster ride.  Though not as extreme as what was previously stated (I can only hope), I did travel to the city quite often and I clung to one of my good volunteer friends (as if to be alone in the village for more than two weeks at a time would make the whole world end).  As of late, though, I have had a lot more time to myself.  I've been thinking about the fact that I only have 6 months left.  I've also been reflecting on all of the things that I have allowed myself to miss out on in the last year and a half because I was trying to live a Western life in a non-Western country.  This holiday season definitely opened up my eyes and showed me what is most important in all this.  As you read in my last post, I spent the holidays with my Rwandan friends, and the holidays couldn't have been better.  The way I see it is this, after July of this year, every holiday will be spent in America with other Americans.  I won't experience another culture to this extent again, and I'll probably never have another Rwandan Christmas nor another Rwandan New Year.  In all this I have found that clinging to what you've always known only takes away from the cultural ride that can teach you something new.  God has shifted some people and things around in my life and I couldn't be more grateful for that.  He's opening my eyes to what's most important, which is not only doing my job here, but loving my job here (emphasis on loving), and embracing this beautiful land, these gracious people, and most importantly, this unparalleled culture.

As I said before, Africa changes you...but for better or for worse...that's up to you.  I, myself, am opting for better :) 

Love and Peace Corps,

Dametreea