Workday Conversations

I will never understand why sex is such a popular topic of conversation in the workplace, but I do wish for either the topic to change or for my coworkers to leave me the heck out of it.  I would much rather talk about the weather.  Or food.  Or better yet, something that's actually work-related...but of course a work-related conversation would be asking too much.  Here are a few conversations that were uncomfortable for me, but will probably be funny for you.  Ready, set, laugh away:

Eating

I was texting and laughing into my phone yesterday when one of my coworkers asked me what was so funny.  I told him that I was texting my boyfriend and that he sent me a funny message.  Then out of the blue, he said, "Your boyfriend will eat you one day." I thought to myself, wth did you just say to me??  And then the conversation went like this:

Me: Huh??

Him: Your boyfriend will eat you one day when you are married.

Uhmm...exactly what does that mean in Rwanda?? I thought to myself. 

Me: I don't understand.

Him: *laughter* I understand well.  He will eat you and you will enjoyful.

All the while we were talking, I was texting my "boyfriend" and telling him what was being said.  My coworker asked what I was texting and I told him that I was passing along what he had just said to me.  He said, "No!  That is a secret!  You cannot tell him.  In Rwanda it is something that we say in private.  If we are in a nightclub and see two people who might leave together, we say that they are going to go eat each other.  It is only to tell our friends."  At this point I was soo very done with the conversation and opted out of responding.  All I could think was, If this were America, you would soooo be charged with sexual harrassment!

I Like You Today

I was somehow cracking jokes in Kinyarwanda this morning and had two of my coworkers in tears from laughing so hard.  On his way out of the door and to a meeting, one of the coworkers said, "Keza, I like you today."  I was a little baffled...all I could think was, uhmm...as opposed to not liking me on other days??  o__O

I Love You...In the Inappropriate Way

As soon as I made it back to work from lunch today, a man stopped me and began to ask me a million and one questions.  Who are you?  Where are you from?  What do you do?  Do you have a boyfriend?  How long will you live here?  ...the list goes on.  And I patiently answered all of his questions, throwing in a few for him in between my answers.  After about 10 minutes of conversation, the man danced his way right back around to the topic of boyfriends.  He said to me, "You need someone to enjoy Rwanda with."  I told him, "I have friends."  Then he said, "It's not the same.  You need just one person to enjoy it with."  Again I said, "I have friends to enjoy Rwanda with."  Then he continued, "So you said you want to go to medical school after Peace Corps, that's 6 years total.  When will you find time to..."  Since I already knew what was coming next, I went ahead and finished his sentence for him, "...To get married and have children??"  He answered, "Well, you will be 29 by then.  In time, you will not be able to have children.  Some time after you are 30, you will not have the cells to make the children."  Then he proceeded to tell me, again, how badly I need a Rwandan boyfriend...and how I need to speed up this baby making process.

Eventually the man above went off to a meeting and when it was over, two of my colleagues walked out and directly toward me.  They wanted to know why I was talking to that man before the meeting.  I said, "He stopped me and started talking to me."  Then one said, "Why?"  I replied, "I don't know."  His response was, "Because all the men love you.  You are very beautiful.  Even me, I love you."  After this statement, he said something in Kinyarwanda and I didn't understand so the other man standing with us translated for me, "He said he loves you...in...he loves you in the inappropriate way."  The conversation continued like this:

Me: No, you have a wife.

Him: It's okay to have an extra.

Me: No it's not, it's illegal

Him: In America it's illegal, in Rwanda it's okay.

Me: Noooo.  It's illegal in America and in Rwanda.

Him: *laughter*

Why do these men insist on messing with me??? Ohemgee!! I would give anything in the world for just one harassment-free day!

Love and Peace Corps,

Dametreea